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The Stone

It happened suddenly in the middle of the night.  A sharp pain in my lower back as if I was being stabbed by a knife. It hurt so bad it took my breath away. I sat up in bed and tried to see if I could get some relief when the pain subsided for a short while. Then again, as quickly as it came before, the sharp excruciating pain hit me!  I tried to breathe through it, as if I was in labor. 

The pain was not getting better and going away.  It only kept getting worse.  I could hardly move.  I screamed in pain and said to my husband, I need you to take me to the hospital.  All he would do, is cover his head with a pillow and tell me it was all in my head. I begged him to get up and help me out of the bed and take me to the hospital. I asked him how he could ignore me.  This is an emergency.

Through my pain, I tried to reach the phone and as I did this, I fell to the floor. Thank goodness it was carpeted because I hit the floor hard. I screamed from pain as I reached the phone.  I should’ve called 911, but instead I called my mom.  It was hard to talk, but I was able to tell her I had an emergency. My sister happened to be at her house, and they both came and got me. 

I was still on the floor when they arrived, and my husband was ignoring everything. I yelled at him again, and he just turned over, covering his face.  He was not that deep of a sleeper, so I couldn’t believe he was like this. Thank goodness for my mom and sister who came to my rescue.  They rushed me to the Jordan Valley Hospital which was close to my house.  

I was given a strong drug to help the pain fade and I was finally able to breathe normal. I looked at my mom and sister in disbelief that this pain came on so quickly and I worried about what was wrong. I was very lucky to have them by my side. I still couldn’t believe my own husband didn’t care enough for me to want to help me immediately.  

The doctor gave me this awful thick liquid to drink, and I was hooked up to both an IV and a machine.  I looked over at the screen while the doctor showed me that I had a kidney stone. It was stuck and too huge to make it down the ureter tube.  He told me they could operate or use a lithotripsy treatment to break up the stone so it could pass out the body. I was told that this method was successful because they use ultrasound shock waves. I didn’t want to go the route of an operation, so this is what I needed to do. There was a specific truck that held the hospital bed and the equipment to do this, but now it was in South Carolina.  I would have to wait until it was driven to Utah. So, for the next few days, I stayed at the hospital and was given enough drugs to keep me peaceful and pain-free. 

As I am laying there in the hospital bed talking with my mom and sister, in comes my husband with a big smile on his face. He acted like nothing happened. I looked at him without a smile in return, and wondered why I married this man.  How could he be so callous and ignore me in my pain and suffering? 

The days I spent in the hospital all blended together.  I remember being wheeled out to a huge truck and moved to the bed where the strange machinery was located. The doctor warned me every time another shock wave was hitting my back.  It felt like someone took a long elastic and stretched it out and released on me. Yes, it hurt but it was bearable. It was much better than the pain of the kidney stone when I was at home.  

I was in the hospital for one more day after the Lithotripsy and I will never forget the shock I felt in my body when the nurse told me what day it was!  I couldn’t believe that six days had passed.  I was worried because I taught school and I didn’t have lesson plans ready for that length of time. I had emergency lesson plans for a couple of days, but this made me stressed.  I found out later, that the teachers in the history department rallied around and helped with lessons for my classes.  I was very grateful for their contributions and help.

This was an experience I will never forget. It opened my eyes. As I write about this years later, I still feel sad and angry that my husband didn’t care enough for me to step up and take care of me immediately. My husband fit all the descriptions of a narcissist. I was an inconvenience in his way that could easily be discarded without remorse.  He could literally be dismissive, rude, and hateful to me and act like he didn’t know what I was talking about. When I confronted him about this whole situation, he laughed and somehow threw the blame back on me.  His conscience doesn’t seem to make him realize he did anything wrong. As I sat in the hospital bed, I asked him why he ignored me during a time of this medical emergency.  He again looked at me like he did nothing wrong and acted as if it was just another Tuesday. I knew then, I was living with a toxic Narcissist and I needed to get out. I won’t forget what happened when I was mistreated. I will now use this information for my future decisions.

“Bravery is leaving a toxic relationship and knowing that you deserve better.” — Gabrielle Applebury

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