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Gratitude

“It takes a lot of courage to have an attitude of Gratitude during the dark times. But once you have it, it empowers you.” — Joshua Tongol

I have had times in my life when I was in the depths of despair. We will all go through dark times in our life. Since I’m now over age sixty, you could say I’ve had many dark times. However, I wouldn’t trade my circumstances and hard times for someone else’s. The dark times in life, come and go. I like the quote above, because I believe what saved me during my toughest times, is when I took the time to meditate about what I was grateful for at that moment.  

The top five most stressful life events we can experience are Divorce, loss of employment, death of a loved one, losing your health and moving. I look back at the year when I had all five major things happen, in less than six months. At one point, I didn’t think I was going to make it. For three months straight, I curled up and slept for about fourteen to sixteen hours each night. I didn’t eat well, and I had no energy. I was barely functioning. When family called and asked me how everything was going, I’d say “fine”. I didn’t want to ask for help. I don’t know if it was because I lacked the courage to speak up for myself, or I didn’t care anymore.  

The year I went through divorce was extremely painful. Divorce was like a domino effect, which caused many other stresses in my life. For now, I will focus on divorce and health. I loved being a teacher. One day, I started to faint in front of my students. I will never forget waking up to a moving floor and two ninth grade boys dragging me to the office. I went to the doctor and had many tests. Dr. Quinn asked me, “Have you been under a lot of stress lately?” I told him that I was going through a horrible divorce. He diagnosed me with Type One Diabetes. (T1D) He asked me that question because he never had a patient over 20, get T1D. At the time, I was fifty. It felt like a death to me, to lose my health. I have always taken good care of myself. I taught dance, exercised every day and ate healthy. I was in denial and angry. 

This was one of my darkest times in my life. Divorce was an emotional rollercoaster with the stress of explaining it all to the children, meeting with lawyers, the expense, and the time and emotions. Now, I must face one of the biggest phobias in my life. I had two, snakes and needles. 

I had to muster up the courage to be strong during the divorce, and courage to use needles. I started to be grateful that it was me who got this disease, and not one of my children. I was grateful that I found the courage to get out of a toxic marriage. 

Affirmation

“I have the attitude of gratitude during dark times”

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