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Dreams

“You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.” — C.S. Lewis

Last year, something “fell in my lap” so to speak and I went for it even though I was in my sixties. A woman nominated me in the Ms. Senior Utah Pageant. I was flattered especially since she was the current Ms. Senior Utah. She offered her help and we’ve become very good friends. I had all the thoughts of doubt when I heard there was even a pageant for senior women. My mind raced and I smirked at the thought of myself in a swimsuit. When I found out there was not a swimsuit contest, it made a difference. I realized that maybe I could do this. Then, I thought about the challenge of coming up with a talent, buying and wearing a gown, sitting with judges in personal interviews and going to a mic to state my “Philosophy of Life”. It seemed a little overwhelming to say the least. At my age, you would think I already knew what my philosophy of life was, but it hit me all at once. I started asking myself that question and I couldn’t come up with anything for quite a while. It seemed silly to me that I was wondering, “Who Am I” and what is my philosophy of life? 

To add to the challenge of being in this pageant, it was the third year that I was a full-time caregiver to my love and husband, Paul. I told him about the pageant, and he saw it as an opportunity for me to get out for an hour each day. So, with his encouragement, I accepted the nomination and sent in the application. A couple of months later, I was excited to find out I was chosen as Ms. Senior Utah. Now, I was really scared to face everything I needed to do to prepare for this Ms. Senior USA pageant being held at the Stratosphere in Las Vegas, Nevada. 

I had a fitness trainer and started to dance again. My attitude changed, and I started to improve myself in various ways. One day the thought came to me; “God works in mysterious ways”. I believe that being Ms. Senior Utah was a tender mercy. It was a boost to my soul to get mentally prepared, physically stronger, and become a better caregiver to Paul. I was grieving for the past three years. For those of you who have watched a loved one with a terminal illness, you understand how helpless you feel, to see your sweetheart die slowly before you. 

The pageant was originally scheduled for October. However, because of Covid, it was pushed back to January. By then, Paul’s health continued to decline, but he still encouraged me to go. I found out later, that he asked a home nurse, if she would leave a dying husband, to be in a pageant. When I found this out, I felt horrible. But the hospice nurse reminded me, that respite care is for the caregiver to be rejuvenated and have some time off. Before this, I didn’t realize that respite care existed. 

Paul died eight months later. I did not know the trauma I would face at the time, so I’m glad I took time for myself. I gained many friends throughout the United States who are now my “Sister Queens”. As seniors, we face our own mortality and have empathy and love for those who struggle with health and loss. 

Affirmation

“We are never too old to set new goals and dreams”

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