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Courage About Needles

This is a little laughable to even admit this to myself or anyone who will listen. I can’t stand needles!  I had to get my blood drawn today.  I know the doctor ordered me to get blood tests done, but it’s very stressful for me. Times like these make me wonder, why I am such a wimp when it comes to needles. From past experiences of getting my blood drawn, I’ve come away with bruises because I was poked several times to find the right vein. Speaking of needles, it brings up what happened to me at the golden age of 50.

Fifteen years ago, I was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. It was devastating to me for two major reasons.  

1.  It felt like a death to me.  I have always been conscientious of my health and staying fit. When the doctor announced that I had this debilitating disease, I was horrified. It hit me like a brick. I was stunned.  I couldn’t comprehend having a chronic disease. This just isn’t me and it can’t be real. You can imagine why I was in denial for quite a while. I tried several things on my own. I even went on a Keto diet, but I ended up in the hospital. 

2.  Needles and snakes were my biggest phobias. I had personal terrifying experiences for each of these phobias that I have previously written about. To have a doctor tell me I had a disease that demanded that I give myself four shots a day, was devastating to me. I was very mad and scared. I became very depressed. At one point, I remember the thought that I didn’t want to live. This even surprised me because I’ve always been the optimistic type.  

This ordeal in my life forced me to find the courage to overcome needles.  I had to find a way to change my mindset and focus on something else. My focus became my children. Did I want to live to see my children grow older, get married, and have children?  Did I have the courage and tenacity that it would take to LIVE to see future grandchildren?  

I learned a few things from this trial in my life. I had to be gentle and patient with myself. I took baby steps. Each new day I became stronger. It took me over an hour the first time I gave myself a shot. My hand would shake in fear, and I would close my eyes, so I didn’t see the needle. But eventually, I was strong enough to face it and stare at the needle. The time dwindled from four hours a day for taking shots, to one hour. Soon, it became second nature. I remember hearing someone tell me that taking a shot wouldn’t be a big deal after a while. It made me mad at the time because I thought, “Yeah, you don’t have to take shots do you”? Regardless of my feelings then, what they said was true. 

Next time you find yourself doing something that takes some courage, no matter how small it is, remember you are strong and you can do this!

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